WITH LOVE

Lately I’ve been making an effort to set work aside, even if that means staying up a bit later in the evening to play catch up. I spend whole days (even days in a row) without turning on my computer. The weather has been breathtaking every single day. The leaves are bright and the sky is blue. It’s like the Pacific Northwest fall days are daring me to think about editing photos, or replying to emails. We have many dark, dreary days in the months to come so I’m doing my very best to take advantage of this spectacular weather. The mornings are chilly enough to entice the heat to kick on, but the afternoon sun is direct and warm enough that the kids can still play at the park without even wearing coats. Between the weather and my joyful girls I have no desire to do anything but absorb it all.

Gigi and Lulu are at marvelous ages. With three just around the corner, Gigi is full of fantastic, hilarious things to say. She is bursting with creative energy, playfulness, and the ability to make-believe. I spend a lot of my time either reenacting scenes from Beauty and The Beast (“Okay, Mom. You be Gaston and I be Belle!) or The Wizard of Oz (we take turns being Dorothy/The Wicked Witch. Lulu is almost always Toto). We are also pirates a lot. I specialize in playing a pirate named Eye-Patch and G likes to be Captain Hook. She plays a lot with her dollhouse, she loves to watch Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood, she gets insanely excited to have dinner with the neighbors. She’s getting a bit too big for me to “fly” down the hall and is so, very independent. She regularly uses expressions like, “awesome” and “that’swhatDanielTiger’sNeighboorhoodsays!” and “I’m glad of you.” She drives me nuts when it’s time to get ready for bed, makes me laugh all the time, and makes me unbelievably happy.

Lulu is an absolute doll. I love this five month mark. Ninety percent of the time she has a huge smile on her face that makes her eyes light up and her cheeks tight with joy. She is changing so much and her personality is emerging. She makes silly sounds that sometimes startle her, and makes us laugh at 2am with some of the odd squeals she lets loose. She still smells like a newborn, and has the softest little hands which she uses to grab my nose, or knead me while she’s nursing. She smiles at everything you say or do, she tucks her little knees up to her chest with glee, she rolls over unintentionally and gets herself wedged in funny positions. She’s such a baby. She’ll be starting solid foods in just a few weeks, she will cut her first bright white teeth, she will figure out how to crawl.

I wish I could freeze everything right now. The weather, the stillness before the holidays, the stages that the girls are at. I know I can’t stop time, no matter how much I wish that I could, so I’m just enjoying every minute of it… even when I find G has eaten a kitty treat, gotten into my favorite lip balm, or that Lulu has spit up all over her newly laundered sheets. I don’t care about any of that. I hold G accountable, I change the sheets, and then I get back to enjoying them. Even at the end of the most impossible days, I feel like I’m going to burst with love for these two little ladies.

One of the many ways we have been embracing the days is to pack up a simple little lunch and walk to the nearby park. Lulu wakes up from her morning nap around 11:15 and we jet out the door for an hour. It’s never anything very elaborate… a grilled cheese and a sliced up carrot, an apple and a peanut butter sandwich. Most of the time G hardly eats because she’s too busy playing, but I don’t fret about it… she’ll eat a big dinner. I just let her kick off her boots, play in the leaves, nibble her food, get dirty and messy, and I just watch her. I sit on the picnic blanket with Lulu kicking by my side, and I just take deep breaths, count my lucky starts, and memorize them.

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I love going blueberry picking. We’re so lucky to have a great organic blueberry farm right up the road. A few times every summer we hop in the car and go up to spend a couple of hours picking berries, admiring the gardens, visiting the chickens, playing on the swings.

It feels so wonderful to get out of the house with the kids. Early mornings (cause Lord knows we’re up early around here these days) are my favorite time to be out. Before it gets too hot, before we are slathered with sunscreen, before most everyone else is up. That’s my favorite time to be at the blueberry farm. It’s peaceful and quiet and cool.

A couple weeks ago, Kyle and I took the kids up, and since then I’ve been back with friends. We’re having another little heat wave now so we’ll be heading up to the farm again this week to get more ripe berries!

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I’ve been asked quite a bit to share how Gigi is adjusting to her role as Big Sister… Honestly, she’s doing great. She doesn’t show all that much interest in Lulu, actually. She doesn’t really want to hold her, she doesn’t like when Lulu’s little hands or legs unintentionally grab her or kick her. She says, “I don’t like that!” when Lulu is crying. Up until just a week ago, Gigi just kind of did her own thing. Sometimes she’ll get excited and want to play with her and say, “Baby Lulu smiled at me!” or “Silly Baby Lulu!!!” Overall she is very accepting of her new sibling. As much as I want her to be excited about and engaged with Lulu, I also appreciate that she gives Lu space, and takes her own time and space. I never push it or force it. I make it a point to ask her if she’d like to help dress her, change her diaper, hold her but I don’t make a big deal out of it. I seriously thought that Gigi would be constantly wanting to wake her little sis up, wanting to hold her all the time. At first I felt a little disappointed that G didn’t seem as excited as I expected, but I’ve really learned to appreciate it.

In the last week or so Gigi seems to be getting more and more excited. Yesterday she said, “I sure do love my baby sister!” Which was wonderful to hear, and she’s been reading to her, sharing her blankies with her, and showing a lot more interest in engaging with her which makes sense because Lu is a lot more engaged with all of us.

As for meeting Gigi’s needs, I’ve noticed that she’s turning to Daddy a lot more for comfort, but sometimes she has a “mom only” day and I do my best to give her the attention she needs. In some ways bringing the baby home has made G regress a little, she wants to play baby, she once asked to breastfeed but then started laughing hysterically when I said “okay”, she has been a little more whiny, a little more sensitive. In other ways she has really “grown up”. She is now 99% potty trained (before Lu was born we were still having constant accidents), she gets cups of water for herself, can (kind of) get dressed on her own, and is showing lots of interest in other “big girl” tasks.

I’ve also been asked a lot how I’m handling having two kids. Honestly, most of the time it feels really great, doable, rewarding… and then there are the inevitable challenging days. There are moments where both of them have needs that need to get met at the same time and they’re both crying, both tired, both needing baths, both needing cuddles and I find myself trying to prioritize and execute meeting their needs as quickly as I can. In the “mom” department I feel like I’m doing a really great job. I feel mostly organized, on top of things, and I’m definitely keeping my head above water. Getting out of the house is challenging, even going to do something fun and fulfilling can feel draining, and I don’t even want to talk about how much I dread running errands! I know those things will get easier.

I’ve found it challenging to eat enough and to get enough exercise and often find myself having a string cheese for lunch, which doesn’t help with the depleted feeling. My foot is pretty badly injured still so getting exercise, going for a walk, etc. isn’t an option. I’m trying to be patient and take care of myself too but that has, by far, been my greatest challenge in the last couple of months.

For those of you that have two (or more!), did you have similar experiences or completely different? What did you find helpful?

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On Thursday, May 23rd, at 3:43am we welcomed Lulu Audrey Ceinwen into our family.

We are over the moon for our newest addition. We are home and settled, and everyone is happy and healthy. I can’t thank you enough for all your love and support throughout this pregnancy. Your emails, comments, care packages, and encouragement were appreciated more than you know. I’m looking forward to sharing my journey as a mother of two with you.

As we take some time to get settled in over the next week or so, I have some wonderful moms doing guest posts for me. I hope you enjoy them.

With love from our family,
Kyle, Kacie, Gigi and Lulu

This beautiful photo was taken by my sister.